


Of lost dreams

by Vampiric_Charms



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Coping with war and loss, F/F, Fluff, Force meditations, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiric_Charms/pseuds/Vampiric_Charms
Summary: Ahsoka encounters something she does not expect while deep in mediation.  Bo-Katan, even with no idea how best to help, does what she can to ease Ahsoka’s distress - though what Ahsoka eventually reveals is a revelation neither ever expected to hear.
Relationships: Bo-Katan Kryze & Ahsoka Tano, Bo-Katan Kryze/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 12
Kudos: 62





	Of lost dreams

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this has been floating around for a while and I’ll probably write a follow-up fic for it eventually. Beware: Once again, I am throwing canon out the window. (For a timeline around my other fics - this one takes place between _Once sweetly sang_ and _One breath apart_ , but as always nothing needs to be read in any order.)
> 
> Enjoy!

“You’re awfully quiet over there.”

Ahsoka didn’t respond to Bo-Katan’s prodding even when Bo-Katan glanced over at her. Instead she just stared into the middle distance, unfocused. Bo-Katan let it go for the moment, keeping her attention on the conn as she piloted Ahsoka’s little shuttle away from the icy planet behind them.

They were gliding easily through hyperspace now, the silence of it comfortable and familiar to them both - though the silence from Ahsoka was rather odd. 

“You okay?” Bo-Katan asked, trying again. 

Ahsoka looked at her this time, pulled from whatever thoughts were running through her mind, and smiled tiredly. “Yes. Sorry, that was a rough one. I’ll be fine.”

“Mm. If you say so.”

As before, Bo-Katan did not receive a response. Ahsoka was staring sightlessly out the viewscreen at the stars as they bled by, casting her in varying shades of blue and silver. Bo-Katan checked their flightpath again, wondering if she should push harder for an answer. Something had obviously happened.

Ahsoka had started taking Bo-Katan on these little expeditions not too long ago, as she stumbled across rumors and locations for ancient Jedi temples she wished to explore. Bo-Katan had felt odd at first, joining her, but she went just the same. Moral support, Ahsoka had told her with a little laugh. 

She realized rather quickly, though, that her presence also served as a kind of protection for Ahsoka’s physical body while she meditated so deeply. No one would mess with her with a fully armed and armored Mandalorian standing nearby. 

That, at least, was a role Bo-Katan was happy to fill.

This last temple they had just left had been different, even Bo-Katan could tell. It was far underground, on an uninhabitable planet covered in icy glaciers and cliffs, and it took Ahsoka several hours in that bitter cold to find the entrance. The tunnels twisted and turned, converging back on one another and opening again into a dizzying pattern. 

It made her feel connected, Ahsoka explained the first time, to meditate in these spaces. Like she was still surrounded by her Jedi peers and their vast powers. Bo-Katan didn’t understand it, herself, though she never complained. Not even in that icy cold.

Bo-Katan had mostly just wandered around the cavernous chamber while Ahsoka was lost in her mind, looking up at the intricately detailed carvings on the wall depicting stories she didn’t know - though she kept most of her attention on Ahsoka, just in case. It was unnerving, sometimes, how still she became, and the place had made her uncomfortable. _All_ the temples did.

But Ahsoka had woken from this particular meditation sweating, and was unsteady on her feet when she finally allowed Bo-Katan to assist her up out of the caverns. She hadn’t spoken much since then.

Bo-Katan glanced at Ahsoka again and frowned. “Maybe you should lie down,” she said. “You look sick.” 

Ahsoka glared at her, though there wasn’t much heat to it. Instead she just appeared even more exhausted. Bo-Katan thought she was actually going to argue with the suggestion but, after another moment of silence, Ahsoka pushed herself to her feet and ambled away. 

The shuttle was tiny and the only place to rest was the long bench set in the bulkhead near the entry ramp. Ahsoka sat there with an audible sigh and then pulled her legs up to lie down on her side. There wasn’t a pillow or blanket to be had, but she didn’t say anything about their loss. She didn’t say anything at all. 

Bo-Katan turned just enough to glance at her and noticed the way Ahsoka was rubbing her knuckles against her temple, like she had a headache. She pursed her lips, considering their limited options. 

There wasn’t much to be done, really.

“It’ll be about five hours before we reach my ship,” Bo-Katan said quietly, knowing Ahsoka could hear her. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ve got this covered.”

“Not sure I’d be able to sleep,” Ahsoka grumbled.

Bo-Katan looked at her again, unsure whether to be vexed or concerned. Ahsoka seemed very uncomfortable, though she wasn’t sure if it was because of the bench or because of whatever happened earlier, or even only because of the headache. She checked the conn, making sure autopilot was engaged, and stood from the chair.

There was a small first aid kit in the shelving unit against the opposite wall and she pulled it out, searching. An instant cold pack was near the bottom and she grabbed it, ripping the packaging open. She cracked the outter wrapping, activating the cooling chemicals and almost immediately feeling the chill in her fingers. 

“Here,” Bo-Katan said, offering it to Ahsoka. Ahsoka took it wordlessly, a confused expression on her face. “I don’t have to be a mind-reading Jedi to tell you have a headache. This will help.”

“Oh.” Ahsoka rolled to her back and studied the ice pack before placing it high on her forehead, closing her eyes. “Thanks, Bo.”

Rather than reply, she turned to grab Ahsoka’s cloak from the peg by the ramp. She shook it out and spread it over Ahsoka on the bench in an effort to stave off the permeating chill of space. Ahsoka’s eyes opened to slits at the movement and she looked at her, somewhat surprised. 

“I never knew you were such the caretaker,” she murmured with a little grin, closing her eyes again and sighing, this time more from comfort rather than irritation. “I like it.”

Bo-Katan just hummed, feeling somewhat awkward at the suggestion. Caretaker? Right, okay. 

Between the two of them, Ahsoka was the more compassionate one, the one willing to take care of those in need. Instead, Bo-Katan just felt displaced when their positions were switched like this, as if she was trying to fill another person’s shoes she was unsuited for. 

There was no space to sit, with Ahsoka lying down, so Bo-Katan lowered down to the floor with her back to the bench. She turned her head to stare over at the viewscreen, watching the stars stream by as the tiny shuttle took them home. It was going to be a long trip, but Bo-Katan appreciated the silence; it was a big difference to the boisterous noise on her own ship with her fellow Mandalorians.

She bent her knees and wrapped her arms around them, leaning her head back to the edge of the bench to close her eyes, maybe take a nap as well. The touch of Ahsoka’s hand against her hair startled her, but she settled quickly as her mind caught up. Ahsoka liked her hair, she’d hinted as much before, and threading it through her fingers sometimes seemed to calm her more than it did Bo-Katan. 

So she stayed put, letting Ahsoka touch her.

If Ahsoka wouldn’t talk about it, at least Bo-Katan could still give her this. Not much of a friend, was she.

“Thank you, Bo,” Ahsoka said out of nowhere, distracting Bo-Katan from her thoughts. Her voice was quiet, far away. Bo-Katan couldn’t see her, but she didn’t move, either, when Ahsoka’s hand continued to drift lightly through her hair from behind. 

“For what?” she asked. “I’m just sitting here.”

“For coming with me,” Ahsoka told her softly. “I know these temples aren’t really all that interesting to you.”

Bo-Katan scoffed, rolling her eyes even though Ahsoka couldn't see the movement. “You know I’m not here for your old temples,” she said pointedly. “I’m here for _you_. There’s no need to thank me for that.

“Even still.” Ahsoka was quiet for a moment before adding, “Having you there always helps. It’s reassuring, to feel you so close by when I meditate that deeply.”

Bo-Katan couldn’t help the crooked little grin that tugged her lips. “You can feel me when you meditate?”

Ahsoka chuckled, the sound reassuring even if it was brief. “When you’re close enough, yeah. It’s not like feeling another Force-user. Your energy is different, more...wild. It’s you.”

“Wild, huh?” Bo-Katan repeated, staring up at the rivets in the ceiling panels above her. 

“Yeah,” Ahsoka said, almost dreamily. 

Bo-Katan didn’t turn to check, but it sounded like she was finally dozing off. Her fingers in Bo-Katan’s hair were slowing their movements, almost stopping. But then she took a sharp breath and sat up abruptly, swinging her legs over the bench so they hit Bo-Katan’s shoulder. The cold pack fell to the floor with a plop.

“Gods,” Ahsoka breathed into her hands. “This is not - I’m sorry.”

Bo-Katan stared up at her, surprised and more than a little concerned at the sudden change in her mood. She touched Ahsoka’s thigh, studying her closely and trying to redirect her attention. “Ahsoka? What’s wrong?”

Ahsoka shook her head, folding over herself to cradle her face between her knees like she was in pain. She gasped again, the sound almost like a sob. Bo-Katan turned to face her and sat up fully, alarmed now and moving her hands to Ahsoka’s slumped shoulders. She was shaking. 

“What’s wrong?” Bo-Katan asked again softly. “Ahsoka, talk to me. Please.”

The next sound Ahsoka made was definitely a sob, and Bo-Katan’s heart stuttered. She had no idea what to do. Unsure if the touch was even wanted, Bo-Katan raised one of her hands to run it soothingly over Ahsoka’s lek at the back of her head, then around to the front. Ahsoka reached up, then, and grabbed blindly at Bo-Katan’s fingers, grasping her hand tightly against her trembling chest. When she finally raised her head again, her face was pale, anxious. 

“Ahsoka -”

“I think - Bo, I think I felt Master Obi-Wan. While I was meditating in that temple.”

Of anything Ahsoka could have said, this sent Bo-Katan reeling with shock. She stared, eyes narrowed, as Ahsoka took deep breaths to calm herself. “What do you mean?” Bo-Katan asked sharply. “Like - like a memory of him or something?”

“No,” Ahsoka murmured, and she finally met Bo-Katan’s worried gaze directly. “It was actually him. _Alive_. I would recognize his energy through the Force anywhere, just like I would recognize yours. It had to be him.

Bo-Katan turned her hand in Ahsoka’s tight grasp, holding onto her in return. “Are you sure? I thought you said he died when the clones betrayed your Order.”

“I thought he did. It was the only answer that made sense, when I couldn’t - when no one -” Ahsoka shook her head, looking downward to her shoes. She was considering her words now, Bo-Katan could tell. After a long few seconds of tense silence, she whispered, “What if he’s really alive? What if he’s been alive this whole time? I have to find him, Bo.”

There were tears streaming down her face, and Bo-Katan urgently wiped them away with her free hand. She passed her knuckles over Ahsoka’s cheeks, trying to give whatever comfort she could. 

“Then we’ll find him,” she said firmly.

Ahsoka raised her eyes to Bo-Katan’s again. “You’ll come with me?”

The sadness and near-desperation of that simple question landed heavily on Bo-Katan’s chest and she frowned. She squeezed Ahsoka’s hand. “Of course I’ll come with you. What a stupid thing to ask.”

Ahsoka chuckled, and Bo-Katan took strength from the little sound. She ran her fingers along Ahsoka’s forehead, over her cheeks. Touch calmed her, she’d learned, and she could certainly give that. Ahsoka flashed her a tiny smile, as if she understood exactly what Bo-Katan was doing.

“I don’t know where he is,” she mumbled. “I don’t even know if I’m right.”

“Well,” Bo-Katan said, sitting back on her thighs to give her knees a break from the metal grating on the floor. “If you think he’s alive, then he’s alive. We’ll just have to start with that.”

Ahsoka nodded silently and wiped at her face, her hand hitting Bo-Katan’s as she did. Bo-Katan immediately pulled away from the contact, curling her fingers toward her palm and dropping her fist to her lap. Her other hand was still held tightly in Ahsoka’s, and she considered pulling that one away, as well, now that Ahsoka seemed to be feeling better. But Ahsoka sniffed and looked at her, bright blue eyes regaining some of their confidence, their sparkle.

“Come up here, Bo,” Ahsoka said softly, patting the bench beside her. “Sit with me.”

Bo-Katan complied, levering herself up to take advantage of the empty space. Ahsoka immediately leaned her head down against Bo-Katan’s shoulder and linked their arms at the elbow, tugging Bo-Katan nearer to her. Ahsoka sighed, the breath of it hitting Bo-Katan’s neck and making her very aware of their closeness. 

This kind of physical contact had become rather common between them, Ahsoka always reaching for her when given the chance, and Bo-Katan didn’t mind so much. But it still surprised her, sometimes. It surprised her even more how she had grown so accustomed to Ahsoka’s warmth, her softness. The outright affection.

She bit the thoughts down and leaned back against the wall, trying to get comfortable. Ahsoka followed her, pulling her legs up onto the bench so she could tuck against Bo-Katan’s chest.

After a moment, Ahsoka huffed out a little exhale and reached for Bo-Katan’s hand again to thread their fingers together in her lap. 

“Obi-Wan must have been meditating at the same time,” she whispered, “for me to suddenly feel him after all these years. Maybe it was amplified by the temple.”

“Do you think he felt you, too?” Bo-Katan asked. 

“I don’t know. The connection wasn’t very strong. That’s how I made myself so sick, I pushed too hard.”

The mention of sickness reminded Bo-Katan of the discarded ice pack, and she held Ahsoka aside just long enough to bend down to grab it off the floor. Ahsoka protested, but the words died away when Bo-Katan settled again, encouraging Ahsoka to lean against her as she had been. As soon as she stilled against Bo-Katan’s chest, Bo-Katan pressed the ice pack to her forehead.

“Okay?” Bo-Katan asked.

“Yeah.” 

Ahsoka sighed, her eyes slipping closed. Bo-Katan shifted a little, wrapping an arm up around Ahsoka’s back so she could hold the ice a bit better from the other side.

She wasn’t asleep, but Ahsoka’s silence was calm as she relaxed into Bo-Katan’s loose embrace. She put a gentle hand on Bo-Katan’s thigh as she did, needlessly keeping her close. Bo- Katan certainly wasn’t going anywhere.

It was odd to think of Obi-Wan being alive. She had come to terms with his death - with the deaths of all Ahsoka’s comrades - a long time ago, though Obi-Wan’s loss had hit harder. She liked him, in the brief time they had really known each other. Not as much as Satine, but well enough. 

He was what she always thought the Jedi should have been. 

Just like Ahsoka.

“So,” Bo-Katan murmured curiously in an attempt to change the subject. “How close do we need to be for you to feel my _wild_ energy through your Force? Like, the same room? The same planet?”

Ahsoka laughed, the softly joyous sound of it almost lost against Bo-Katan’s chest. “At this point?” she said with another little chuckle. She angled her head to see Bo-Katan’s face and smiled at her. “I can feel you if we’re anywhere in the same _system_. Your energy has become very...potent.”

She tucked her face down again and wrapped her arms around Bo-Katan’s waist, but Bo-Katan still saw the faint flush on her cheeks as she did. She knew that meant something, the way Ahsoka felt her energy, but she didn’t press the issue. Even still, a little trill of pride welled on her stomach. She ignored it.

“We’ll find him, Ahsoka,” Bo-Katan whispered. She pressed the side of her face to the top of Ahsoka’s head. 

“I hope so.” And then, very quietly, “I really miss him.”

Bo-Katan just held her tighter.


End file.
